Before academic achievement can even be considered, your childās self-esteem and self-worth have to be intact. It is not unusual for students receiving special services to have lower self-esteem than their peers who meet success academically, on the field, and in personal relationships with other peers. As early as pre-school, young children quickly identify if their young classmates can spell their name, count to 20, identify letters or if they cannot. That feeling of being behind their peers at such an early age sticks with these cute little kids and makes its way with them into the next academic school year.
The question has been asked, why is self-esteem important? Shouldnāt students stop comparing themselves to others and focus on their own growth? For one thing, developmentally that doesnāt happen early in life. Secondly, once children head off to school, leaving their safe homes and unconditional, loving family members, they are thrown into the world of being measured and evaluated. Any solidly Ź»goodŹ¼ pre-school is bombarding your children with letters, numbers, colors, shapes, and pre-writing activities. Kindergarten is no longer about learning to take turns in the kitchen corner or block station. Kindergartners have homework and the expectation is for them to become early readers.
However, ask any kid and they know. Many kids know if the āpurple reading groupā is the lowest reading group, and they know if you go work with that teacher at the table over there, you need extra help. And the kids who are in the Purple Reading Group or go with the really nice teacher who always shows up at reading or math time knows what it means, too. All the kids who belong to those groups or go with that teacher know they need extra help. The younger students are initially ok with the support given but once students hit second grade, it is a ding against their self-esteem every time that super nice teacher calls their name for them to go with her to the table over there.
And you know how nice kids can be, especially in middle school.
Self-esteem cannot be given to a child. It is something that develops within every person. Even when every kid receives trophies or medals for playing on a team, they all know who the best team was in their league, and they know if they were not on that team. While they may hold a trophy in their hand or wear a participation medal around their neck, inside kids know if they did poorly or if someone was better than them.
How You Can Help Your Child Develop Positive Self-Esteem
How can a parent assist in developing their childās self-esteem? Provide them opportunities. Let me say it again: provide them opportunities. To follow are a few you may look into.
Many cities and towns have great Park and Recreation programs. They offer different course that are fun and low pressure. Ask your child if they want to sign up for an art class, sewing class, or a cooking class. Many great classes are offered! Look at the catalog together and ask your child what he may be most interested in.
In many cities and towns the police department has a Police Athletic League (P.A.L.). Check out http://www.nationalpal.org/Default.aspx?tabid=1164692 to find a P.A.L. organization near you. If your child is interested in trying a sport, look up this great organization. It is fun!
Volunteer with your child! Google āvolunteer opportunities for kids in insert your town/cityā. There are quite a few organizations that allow kids to volunteer as long as an adult volunteers with them. This is a great way to do for others. It can be a unique experience you and your child have together.
Ask your child if they want to join Boy Scouts or Girl Scouts. Both organizations offer different experiences that range from outdoor activities to technology. Your child may find something they excel at while earning a merit badge. Merit badges are cool and you earn them yourself.
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There are many outstanding organizations that provide opportunities for girls to grow and learn, as well as build self-esteem. Some of these organizations include Girls on the Run https://www.girlsontherun.org. or the Empowered Girl Alliance http://empoweredgirl.org. Anything to empower your daughter is a great thing!
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If your child is interested in acting, find a community theatre and have him join the seasonās play. If your child likes music, find someone who gives instrument lessons. (Instruments can be rented.) Dance classes are easy to find.
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If your child likes to run and do obstacles, look up a kids obstacle race such as a Kids Spartan race https://www.spartan.com/en/race/kids-race/kids-race-overview. (Check out this great video of a Spartan Kids Race! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCD62Ty_K8g ) If you canāt find a Spartan Race near you, check out Tough Mudder https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JCD62Ty_K8g. These are true confidence builder! They are also dirty, fun, and the medal your child gets at the end of the race is well deserved.
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If your child likes technology, ask them if they want to learn to code. There are many fun, kid friendly, online coding courses your child can take.
If At First You Donāt Succeed, Try, Try, Try Again.
Kids often times think they will like something and once they try it they quickly realize they do not. Based on my own experience with my children, do not run out and buy expensive equipment and gear. If your child realized they do not like what they are doing, do not become discouraged. Should your child stick out for a few weeks? Yes. And on the ride home you will ask them what they think they did well while participating in the activity. No matter how terrible they may have been at their new activity you will sing their praises about three things they did well or they improved on since the last time they participated.
If your child insists this is not the activity for them, ask them what else they might like to do and give that a try. Keep in mind, this is about building self-esteem, not crushing it. It may take a little while for your child to find an activity they love. Because if you do force your child into an activity for their own sake, you will be hearing for years to come, āRemember the year you made me join JrROTC and Soccer and I hated them both?!ā (That poor parenting maneuver on my behalf always surfaces at the holidays. Itās been ten years now. Maybe one day she will forgive me!)
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Peace & Love to you all!
Anne C.
3 Comments
Mar 16, 2017, 4:41:36 PM
Anne Cunningham - That's what we're here for! To identify pressing issues and brainstorm possible solutions. Kids love the Spartan Kid/ Tough Mudder Kid races! When they cross the line they know they truly earned that medal! Let us know how he does! Please always feel free to share your experiences and suggestions; we are here to help each other <3, Anne C.
Mar 16, 2017, 12:32:14 PM
C. Diamond Reed - Thank You Anne! I found your blog post quite informative. As parents we often forget that self esteem is not always inherent and needs to be nurtured and fostered in our children. I also appreciate the link to Spartan Kids, I think my son would love this challenge, we will keep you posted. Again, thank you for this website, blog and the many resources.
Mar 15, 2017, 9:49:40 AM
Lynn Colwell - I enjoyed reading your blog! You provide many ways to get kids involved and help their self esteem. You are a natural at it! Even though my kids may not have sent all that much time with you, the times you have, you have left a lasting impression! (A good one!!!)