Helping Your Child with Bullying: A three Part Series

Many of us have most likely experienced or witnessed bullying in one or more of its myriad forms. And oh, can those forms can be insidious. Almost invisible to the casual observer at times. And might I add, victims themselves can often be unaware that bullying is occurring until the effects begin to manifesta: physically, emotionally, mentally, behaviorally ... and these are only some of the ways. Despite the policies and procedures created by the Department of Education in addition to independent school districts throughout the country trying to address bullying with their own anti-bullying campaigns; students, teachers, and parents alike know bullying is prevalent and continues. Bullying can be almost invisible to the casual observer at times, thanks to social media. It is not uncommon for victims or their parents to know bullying is occurring until it manifest physically, emotionally, mentally, or behaviorally.

We can't protect our children from every bully they will encounter but we can teach them how to respond, empowering them to take back their power from the bully.

1. Help your child identify the bullying behavior.

What is the other person saying, doing, writing, or posting that makes your child feel sad, embarrassed, angry, hurt, or intimidated? Help your child identify the behavior of another that is distressing to them. Help your child understand that what is being said to them, the names they are being called is not a true reflection of who they are. Remind your child that the things being done to them is not ok and they deserve to be treated well.

2. Calling out the bully – if it is safe.

If the situation is safe, encourage your child to let the bully know (your child) does not like being bullied, or that it hurts their feelings. This will take courage and bravery on your child’s behalf so practice with them. But again, only if your child can feel safe doing so.

3. Tell other people.

What is the unacceptable behavior you wish to cease? Is your child being called names? Have you indicated to teachers and administrators you wish this particular behavior to stop? For example, is your child being called "Fat" or "Gay" or "Retard"? Words have immeasurable power and when those words lose their power, so does the bully. Tell the child to repeat ⁽²⁾ exactly what they hear to a teacher, to another teacher, an aide, an administrator, etc. until someone listens. Until everyone listens and until as many people as possible understand this is not acceptable. Conversations then need to be had about body positivity, sexual orientation, intelligence, all-inclusiveness, and diversity. Many conversations - with many people.

Do's and Do Not’s on How to Help Your Child

Do NOT bully the bully(ies) – the idea is to break the cycle wherever you can. Being mean to another, in the same or different ways than the original offense, only perpetuates the cycle. Feel your feelings but understand feelings are not facts, only a momentary emotion.
Be the role model for anti-bullying you want to see.
Do not place blame – even if you think and feel with all your heart and reasoning where the blame lies. "I" statements come in handy here. "I feel" ... "I think" ... "I wish for" ... and simply be ready for the facts. Do you wish for your child to have a safe place? Say it. Offer solution(s) when appropriate.
If you do lose your temper, work quickly to calm yourself and step back if need be to address the situation at another time. State as much, if need be. "I am feeling very upset right now and wish to leave. I wish to discuss this incident involving my child's welfare at another time in the immediate future."
Recognition is the hardest part – how do you recognize the behavior as bullying? ⁽³⁾
Start a journal. This you will find in the Part 2 of the Series.
Seek an advocate, outside assistance for your child, before/after school.
Work with the child at home (videos, flashcards, et al) as mentioned above. Pick one hour each day, start with just 30 minutes, acknowledge that this is happening, do not allow your child to suffer alone, and show the child you are working on it together.
In cases of severe, systemic, and particularly brutal instances of bullying, where the child is in obvious emotional distress (may harm self or others) and/or physically harmed, do not hesitate to call in appropriate authorities, make police reports, let school officials and personnel know you are willing to work together, and with them, but not at the expense of obvious harm to your child.

Anti-bullying is a community endeavor, that is, it will take a lot of practice and hard work to make progress in an area where some see no issues, do not understand the issues, are apathetic toward the issues, or feel it's someone else's job to fix the issues. Find like-minded people, who believe as you do, and begin to build that community. This is how it begins.

(1) Thank you, Bullies Out.

(2) Repetition hurts – at first. Helping your child with positive affirmations, helping them understand people project their own feelings onto others, tear others down to make themselves feel better, that tattling is a different item altogether (that it is necessary when someone is, or might get, hurt), ... all of this is often a very long process to help your child understand. And make no mistake – understanding bullying is not an 'event', but a process. At home, help your child place "I am not" in front of those cruel words. It is one child's opinion, or a clique. The bullying child has probably not been taught that this is not acceptable behavior, either. There are RESOURCES online to help your child one-on-one: flash cards, videos, online groups and networks, advocates, chat groups – work with your child to find a place(s) where they DO feel welcome when they are not with you.

(3) RDD2 is an anti-bullying awareness program developed by Dr. Rhonda Baughman and Andras Jones. R – Recognition D – De-escalation D – DE-code D – (Re)-Direct. Dr. Baughman will be presenting on this topic at the GlobalMindedED Conference in Denver, CO June 10^th and 11^th, 2018 at the Sheraton Denver Downtown Hotel. Contact Dr. Rhonda Baughman for more information: rhondabaughman@hotmail.com

Dr. Rhonda Baughman, an Anti- Bullying Advocate and educator, strongly believes in the importance of empowering students when they are bullied. Dr. Baughman has collaborated with other professional to create RDD2, an anti-bullying awareness program.

RDD2 was developed by Dr. Baughman and Andras Jones. R – Recognition D – De-escalation D – DE-code D – (Re)-Direct. Dr. Baughman will be presenting on this topic at the GlobalMindedED Conference in Denver, CO June 10^th and 11^th, 2018 at the Sheraton Denver Downtown Hotel. Contact Dr. Rhonda Baughman for more information: rhondabaughman@hotmail.com

Dr. Rhonda Baughman is a veteran writer/editor and willing to write for you. Portfolio: https://www.clippings.me/rhondabaughman She has over 15 years in education and currently resides in Colorado Springs, CO. Her latest series is Medium Chill - issue 1 now available on Amazon.

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Helping Your Child with Bullying: A Three Part Series

Do's and Do Not’s on How to Help Your Child

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